He talks to me about everything. He tells me his fears, his dreams, his goals, his passion and his weakness. With me, he’s just free to be who he is. Not having to be who society or parents or friends want him to be.
It’s hard to find a love like this because he comes most alive when he talks to me. I can hear it in his voice and when he says ‘Wendy, I love you’. I know it’s true, my heart skips every time I hear those words and I could live the rest of my life just listening to him say it.
I am crazy in love with him but he’s so far away. Maybe that’s what’s makes it great. I don’t even know if it will lead anywhere but it’s so good to have someone who could make you feel butterflies just by thinking about them.
What I have with him can be compared to the kind of crush you have on a celebrity, you know you can’t have them but it’s just nice to keep them in your head and day dream they belong to you.
I know he probably belongs to another. It would be foolish of me to believe he belongs to only me. But that’s why it’s strange. How could you love someone so much and yet they don’t even know who you are?
I have never loved or been heartbroken before and I think loving this way is my own way of playing it safe. Loving and not being afraid of losing because you can’t lose what doesn’t really belong to you, right? At least that’s what they say.
Everyone thinks I’m stupid. They think it’s all a little girl’s fantasy. They don’t even believe love exists. They just laugh at me when I talk about how I feel about him. I might probably get my heart broken at the end of the day; they keep saying love is ‘giving another the power to break your heart’.
Truth is I can’t be with anyone I don’t love. I can’t say yes to a forever with someone I can’t smile at the thought of, or feel my heart skip at the sound of their voice. And he’s the only one that has made me feel this way all my life. But I can’t even tell him how I really feel because I know how much it would break my heart if he hurts it.
I am so afraid it wouldn’t make any difference to him. So I will just put my thoughts in words and hope there’s someone out there reading this who knows just how it feels to love like I am loving right now. To love and never have the courage to say how you really feel.
This is for those loving another but can’t have them, Someone who wants to express how they feel but can’t do it because the odds are standing in their way.
I don’t mind if I get hurt this time cos time heals all wound so if I get hurt now, my heart will heal and it will find love again. I might put up this hard girl frontier but I’m a crazy lover at heart and I haven’t found anyone who has made me feel this way in my life.
It’s even worse being a public figure cos your relationship is under scrutiny all the time so you just have to be extra cautious of who you decide to spend your time loving, lest they love you and hurt you and you become another Toke Makinwa, where every single tweet or IG pic is subject to public evaluation.
I look around me and I see so much loveless relationships. Everyone faking emotions just to get something even if it means at the expense of another’s feelings. Even marriages this days aren’t what they’re made out to be. Couples cheating, fighting, cussing each other and all that.
It’s a rare thing to see a couple you would love to be like. It’s even rarer to see two people who have genuine, honest and truthful love for each other and that’s what I want.
Oh well, maybe I’m living in a fool’s paradise; many will say ‘Na love I go chop’….
I used to say that too but now loving this way I realize you only say ‘Na love I go chop’ when you really don’t love that person. Love truly, truly loves without anything.
So to those out there who are fortunate enough to have someone who loves them truly, cherish what you have, it is a truly rare gift and you are damn lucky to have someone offer it to you on a platter of gold.
Don’t take it for granted because if it’s gone, you can never get it back again.