How To Not Get Caught Cheating

cheating

Infidelity in a committed relationship is a serious breach of trust. Regardless of whether or not you think you can get away with it, if you’re tempted to cheat on your partner, you should first consider whether or not you want to be in the relationship at all. You may have fallen out of love with your partner, or you may not be in the state of mind for a monogamous relationship at the moment; either way, the best thing you can do is leave the relationship before betraying your partner. However, if you do decide to cheat on them, there are steps you can take to both keep them in the dark about your activities, then throw them off the trail if they grow suspicious.

1. Keeping Them in the Dark

Think twice about cheating on your partner. People have many reasons for wanting to cheat: they may be angry at their partner, feel trapped in a relationship they weren’t ready for to begin with or which has grown dull and lifeless, or be taking out frustrations about something completely unrelated to the relationship.[1] However, there are numerous negative consequences associated with infidelity in a relationship.

  • You may think that you can get away with it and not get caught; even if you do, studies show that cheating partners experience high levels of shame and guilt associated with their actions. [2]
  • Although many couples are able to work through their issues when infidelity comes to light, many relationships dissolve from the lack of trust bred by your betrayal.[3]
  • Most importantly, consider the suffering your partner will experience should your infidelity come to light. If you are not willing to accept your role in their pain, don’t go through with your plans.
  • The repercussions of your breach of trust could follow your partner into their future relationships, negatively affecting their ability to find happiness even after they’ve left you behind.
  • Should your actions come to light, you may very well lose the respect of your friends and family, and that can be a painful consequence to live with. Try to live up to your communities expectations of you.
  • If you are truly unhappy in a relationship, you should have an honest conversation where you either make a plan with your partner to work together to improve it, or decide to end the relationship so you can move on with someone else.
  • However, if you decide to move ahead with your plans, you should take the following into consideration.

2. Set up a separate email address. One of the easiest and sloppiest ways to get caught having an affair is to leave evidence of it around in easily accessible places.

  • Create a new email address used only to communicate with the person or people you are cheating with. Don’t tell anyone else about it or use it for anything other than your affair.
  • If you also use this account as a burner account for online updates or to catch spam, it will feel normalized. You want there to be a certain level of anxiety attached to this account.
  • This way, you will remember to log out every single time you access it.
  • Only write to your affair through this account, never through your regular account.
  • Keep your regular account logged in on your computer as you normally would, so your partner has access to it if they grow suspicious and start snooping. They won’t find anything there.

5. Lock your cell phone. If your phone is already locked and your partner doesn’t know the code, you’re in the clear. However, if your phone is locked or if your partner knows the code, you need to re-secure your phone.

  • Create a believable explanation for why you need to suddenly secure your phone. You might say that some people at work got into it and found private pictures of you and your partner, or that they sent a string of text messages to people in your contact list.
  • If your partner is accustomed to knowing the code to your phone, it would be highly suspicious of you to suddenly insist on privacy. Don’t try to change the password, but don’t use your phone for any suspicious activity.
  • If you need to communicate with your affair through your phone, use the private browsing option on its browser to log into your “cheating” email account. Remember to log out and close the private window to delete cookies when you’re done.

6. Laugh at their suspicions instead of getting mad. By getting mad, you’re signalling to your partner that you have a negative reaction to their accusation, rather than a bewildered one. Anger also transitions quickly into an argument, and arguments get drawn out and linger in the back of the mind. You want to avoid attaching lasting, negative memories to this conversation, and the best way to do that is to keep it from getting heated.

  • Don’t laugh in a mean-spirited way, and don’t make fun of your partner for having their suspicions.
  • Simply act surprised or bewildered by the suspicions, as though it never would have occurred to you that you were acting in a questionable way.
7. Stop the affair or put it on hold. If your partner is too on-target with their suspicions, it may be time to call off the affair, or at least put it on hold until the danger passes. Even after the conversation about your partner’s fears, even after you promise to make them feel safer in the relationship, your partner may still harbour suspicion. Don’t take unnecessary risks.
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